What's on your mind?
by MADDmanders
Summary: Eli and Clare have known each other for awhile, and they love each other. But they just can't be together. It's too dangerous. Eli's secret keeps them apart, but does Clare have a secret, too?
1. A Bad Ending

I sat at the picnic table with Kayla, Eli, and Adam. Adam and Kayla were debating on whether or not Kay should be a cheerleader. He thinks she should because it is instant popularity but Kay doesn't care. Right when Kay disagreed I knew it would turn into some analytical conversation and I was too stressed out to deal with that nonsense. I started talking to Eli.

"So…I heard you've been having problems with that kid Fitz." I said. I saw Kay's expression change a little bit and she jerked her head towards our conversation. Her and Adam stopped talking.

"Yeah, but don't worry about it. I can handle it." He smiled widely, his dimples were so cute. My heart was beating a million miles per hour, practically out of my chest.

"Well, okay. Just please don't go too over the top, I know you can get a little carried away."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and my eyes started bulging out of my head and he said, "You've gotta trust me. He's got it coming to him. So anyone wanna go out for lunch? We can skip fourth period and go to the Dot? Clare?"

"Sure. Why not? Ms. Oh's been giving me a solid grade so one class won't dent my grade." He then asked Kayla and she looked at me then smiled. "No I think I'll pass. Adam and I have business to take care of." Then Eli stood and up from the table and started walking towards his hearse. He turned around and flashed those perfect dimples and he then said, "You coming?"

I smiled and stood up from the table then started walking towards Eli. He again wrapped his arm around my shoulder, I started to blush. Then, I turn around to wave bye but totally forget when I saw Kay and Adam smiling at me like crazy, then they went back to their argument. When I turned around we were on the passenger side of the hearse, Eli was holding the door open for me and his face was an inch away from my face.

"You gonna get in?" I could feel him breathing. Then I moved slyly into the car. He shut the door and walked around to get into the driver's seat. The plush red seat made me feel warm as well as the spicy scent of Eli's cologne. Eli revved Morty to life and started to drive away from the school heading towards the Dot.

"So Clare Bear, what's on your mind?" he breathed to me. His smirk was just so sexy I wanted to kiss him.

"Nothing really, just kinda how . . . err – nevermind." I mumbled while looking down at my jeans. I can't just tell him I think he is the most beautiful person I have seen in my entire life, over Dechlan and all. That would just be awkward.

"Come on, Edwards, fess up." He said in a raspy voice, urging me to tell him.

"But, you'll think I'm lame." I claimed.

His hand moved towards mine and engulfed it in Eli warmth. I almost sighed but held it in. "Clare, I could never, would never and haven't ever thought you as lame."

We pulled up to the Dot and he asked again for me to tell him in a gentle voice. I reached for the door, about to make my getaway but Eli was faster. Before I could reach the door handle, he unbuckled and nudged closer to me so he could reach the door and hit the lock. His hand stayed at my waist and he breathed the question, inches from my face.

"What's on your mind, Blue Eyes?" he smirked.

I stuttered and almost leaned forward to close the distance but we're not even dating and the last time I confronted him about his feelings he denied them. Then I ended up finding out about his dead girlfriend. After that we have been trying to keep our heat under control but it's just so hard. He's just so steaming hot.

I had to spit it out. He moved closer, trying to squeeze the breath out of me. Closer and closer, oh god I'm gonna break!

"Okay! FINE! You're gorgeous, okay!" I broke. Emotions came flooding out of me and I turned away from his face, not being able to look at his expression. I hit my hand against the door lock trying to get it open, hitting it over and over until my hand hurt.

"Damn lock!" A hand moved over mine, warm and gentle, peeling mine off the lock and caressing them with warmth. I looked down at my lap, tears falling while a soothing voice spoke.

"Clare, calm down. I'm not mad." He said, sweetly. One hand moved up to my face to hold it and let me look up at him.

"But, you hate me!" I exclaimed, sobbing.

"Clare, I could never hate you. I love you too much." He held me.

"You don't love me. Stop lying, Eli." I cried violently, trying to rip free, but unsuccessful.

"Clare. You have no idea. How much I love you." He looked into my eyes, his brown hair just barely covering his green irises.

"Eli, shut up." I turned and hit the lock and it finally opened. I pushed his arms off and got out of the car, slamming the door. Trudging into the Dot, I sat at the counter. Not looking back to see if Eli followed me in, but then I heard the ding of the bell on the door. I didn't look but kept cautious. I struck up a boring conversation with Peter, my sister's ex, who worked at the Dot.

Something poked my left shoulder, I whipped around but nothing was there. Then, I felt those damn warm hands on mine again. I turned and Eli was there, I stood up and rushed towards the door. Eli stepped in front of the door, blocking my path. Then, he brought his hand up to strongly grip the back of my neck and leaned forward, pressing his lips to my cheek and then holding me tight.

"Clare, I really do love you. But you know we can't be together." He whispered.

"Why not, why can't we give it a shot?" I asked, burying my head into his shoulder.

"Because you'll end up hurt, and I won't be able to handle it." He said.

"Well, talk to me when you can handle it." I whispered, then let go and pushed past him, leaving the Dot and Eli behind.


	2. There's No Dead Girl In The Closet

**Author's Note: **** I hoped you liked my first Chapter! I will be infrequently updating them with the help of my favorite Degrassi- Eli lover, my cousin Sophie! The Chapters POV alternates between Eli and Clare every chapter. So as you should assume, this is in Eli's point of view.**

I can't believe she was so clueless. For such a smart girl, she is so naïve. I have told her, time and time again how much I love her. But _no, _she still yells at me and says I am afraid of commitment, which is definitely false because the only thing I'm scared of is losing her. She's obviously blinded by how I treat her like gold, she must think that my affections are not as much as they really are because she doesn't notice how I usually don't treat people the way I treat her.

But enough about my problems, I need to focus on the present. How I am standing in the middle of a Coffee Shop, alone, and heart broken. Peter lectures me about the dangers of dating an Edward and how they are very religiously focused. Therefore, I won't get much ass from Clare. But since I'm not a player and I really like her, that's not a problem for me. I was kind of the player at my old school; I had a bad rep for it, that's why I moved here for a fresh start, I really have changed.

Away from the perverted side of me, I hear the bell on the door ring. I'm too engaged in my thoughts that I don't check to see who it is. I start blanking out (I tend to do that a lot). Adam pops up in front of me and scares the living shit out of me.

"Jesus Adam! What the hell?" I mock hit him in the arm. Even though 'he' is really a 'she', I still feel like Adam is a good trustworthy friend and I can be myself around him.

"What's up your ass today, man?" Adam asked me in a concerned voice.

"Nothing, Clare's mad at me." I frowned.

"Why? Last time I saw you two, you were getting into Morty all lovey-dovey."

"Yeah well things change fast when you're around Clare. She's constantly paranoid that I am either lying, or pretending to like her, or secretly dating someone. I just don't get her sometimes." I groaned, irritated.

"Yeah, man. I totally know what you mean. Chicks, they're so bipolar." He said, sympathetically.

"You know what. I need to get my mind off of this. Let's go to my house and watch some scary movies." I declared.

"BOOYAH!" Adam exclaimed. We leave the Dot and start walking towards my house to watch some lame 'scary movies' that have been collected by my mom. She stays at home and watches them all the time since you can't really do much when you have leukemia. I have a part-time job at Spencer's so we can get income for mom's treatments.

When Adam and I get inside my house, Adam launches himself on my couch which he is very familiar with. My mom isn't home today; the Make a Wish foundation took her to Niagara Falls for the weekend. I reach into the movie cabinet for a bunch of 'scary' movies that aren't scary to me but probably scare the crap out of Adam. I find Omens, The Ring, Orphan, The Grudge 2, Saw II and Scary Movie 4 (for a good laugh).

We vote to watch The Ring first, I haven't seen it before. Adam was scared out of his pants, holding me like I was his mommy within the first 5 minutes. Typical scary movie; girl dies, girl haunts, girl kills, girl dies again, girl comes back to kill, the end. I knew the whole plot line in the first 10 minutes, so much for keeping my mind busy. Instead it wandered into social problems which lead into my friends and the lack of them to how I have Adam. It traveled on to the realization that I should be doing homework, and then to my smart, beautiful companion Clare. _Shit. _Why won't she get out of my head!

UGH! I hate these inner realization moments that I should be somewhere else, not doing this. I concoct a plan; I am going to win over Clare's heart tonight. I'll find her and grab her and kiss her as hard as I can like I have wanted to do since I met her and her amazing blue eyes. I can't tell Adam though; he'll try and dissuade me or sabotage me.

Clare's face wanders through my mind, her smiling, laughing, being sweet, adorable Clare. I can't wait for tonight. Then it struck me, I need to shower and change.

"Hey Adam?" I ask.

"ye-ye-yeah?" he asked in a shaky, scared voice.

"This movie is boring me. I'm going to go take a shower." I say, removing myself from the squishy black leather sofa.

"Oh, okay dude. I'll be fine; down here, all alone, watching television."

"I bet you will be." I remark sarcastically.

Halfway up the stairs, I hear epic music and chuckle.

"PS Adam, there's a dead girl in the closet." I hear the music get louder then a creak. An ear-splitting girl scream echoes through the house, I feel like it's about to shatter the windows. I continue to walk, a smirk on my face all the way into the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom, I peel off my clothes and hop into a boiling hot shower. The water singes my skin while I bathe. Lathering shampoo in my hair, I think about what the hell I'm going to say to Clare when I get there. I wash out the shampoo and put in conditioner (the secret to amazing hair). When I get that out, I have the urge to get out, get changed, and run to Clare's house. But it's too early; her parents would _never _let me into the house.

I put on bath soap and realize this is the first time I have really ever felt the need to look nice for someone. Most of the time I don't give two honks about what someone thinks of me. Clare though, she's different.

I wash off all the gooey cleansers I put on to make me smell better, and turn off the water which isn't really hot anymore. I lean over and grab a towel, wrapping it around my waist and stepping out of the ceramic enclosure. Grabbing my clothes off of the ground, I exit the bathroom and drip water as I drag my feet all the way to my room. The opaque white walls have a polished, sanitized look to them, almost like I am in a solitary.

My bed is my wall color with a light tint of beige to it; the covers are perfectly laid over my bed without a ripple. All the components of my room tie into one another. It looks like an interior design example room, I keep my band magazines in my desk and my black wardrobe in the closet, bureau or hamper. Not one piece of lint, dirt or clothing litter the floor, the pearl white rug stays the same color throughout its existence in my room.

I walk over to the hamper and throw in my used clothes from today except my necklace, bracelet and blazer. Those are put away or hung up, definitely not washed right now. I find clothes in my bureau including skull boxers, plaid flannel pants and a Dead Hand Reunion Tour 2010 concert tee. I sloppily pull over my shirt and pants once I have my boxers on, almost falling on my perfect bed. I dodge the bed and land face first on the surprisingly hard carpet.

I need to get Adam out of the house so I can myself prettied up for Ms. Edwards. I dress lazily and leave my room. Walking down the stairs, Adam is almost at the end of the movie. Oh gosh, he's going to start crying. This part is kind of weird.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs I am about to tell Adam that I am going to bed so he will leave, but the end comes fast. The girl crawls out of the well, her complexion flickering, as she awkwardly limps closer and closer. She hoists herself out of the television and squirms forward. Adam screams, grabs his bag and runs out the front door. Problem solved.

I throw myself up the stairs to get ready for Clare. When I reach my room, I slam the door because I was so anxious I put too much energy into simply closing it. I run into my closet, knowing a dead body will not be waiting for me, and grab a plastic wrapped outfit. I got it for my Aunt Sue's wedding, the tux still fit, and shiny onyx black with a red tie.

I pull of the pajamas I just put on and un-wrap the clothes. I slowly put on these clothes because they need to look perfect for Clare. I won't put on the jacket until I leave for her house and I need to be able to blow dry my hair without overheating. Outside, it starts getting dark. The alarm clock on my bedside table says 8:36 P.M. I walk down the hall into my bathroom and find my blow dryer and apply mousse to my hair.

Then I flick on the hair dryer and wait till my head isn't cold anymore from the water in my hair. I walk to my room and put on my combat boots, and throw my Old Spice cologne on that Clare loves so much. I do my little grey eyeliner that she also likes and run down the stairs.

Today is a Friday, so her parents should be asleep now so they can wake up for Alter Guild tomorrow morning at their Church. Or at least her mom, her dad is always working according to Clare.

I grab my jacket and walk out the front door; I head to Morty, trying to be as confident as I can with out looking like a total d-bag. When I hop in, I turn on Morty and hit the gas, headed to Clare's house. She only lives a few blocks away, in three minutes, I am there.

I don't park Morty right in from of her house because I somewhat want to surprise her. Removing the keys from Morty, I open the door at the same time and simultaneously leave it and shut the door. I walk across Clare's lawn to the back door, her room light is off. I use the nearby tree to hoist myself up. I climb up a few feet then crawl over to an extended branch going towards Clare's room.

When I am in reaching distance, I jump hanging onto the inside of Clare's room with the open window's sill. I slowly crawl in, using the minimal arm strength I have. Once I hit the floor, I get pelted over and over again with a hard structure. I moan. It actually hurts really badly.

"Huh?" a sweet voice asks.

They stop beating me to hit the light on, it's blinding.

Clare exclaims, "Oh my god, Eli!"

**Author's Note:**** Thanks for reading! Fave plz!**


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